Movies

The Descent of Woman

The Descent of Woman

A bunch of chicks go down a hole and wish they hadn’t. That’s pretty much it, when it comes to the plot of The Descent. But this movie isn’t about plot, or story, or fascinating and unexpected twists, it’s about some chicks…who go down a hole. The gals in this thing are a bunch who […]

If You Go Down To The Woods Today…

If You Go Down To The Woods Today…

You’re in for a very nasty surprise. Contrary to its title, “Girl In Woods” is a movie about a girl lost at sea. No, i’m kidding, she’s actually lost in the woods. SPOILERS AHEAD But how did she get there? And what is she up to? Well, Grace ( for that is her name) got […]

Lost River

Usually i write about stuff i like. Or stuff i dislike but can have some fun making fun of. Lately though, i have been bumping into all sorts of crappy movies, the kind of thing that isn’t even good for mocking. And the main offender is this atrocious abomination called “Lost River.” Lost River? More […]

 Telekinetic Shenanigans Down South

Telekinetic Shenanigans Down South

It all seems pretty hackneyed. A bunch of twenty year olds are out in the countryside minding their own business when they end up stranded at some spooky old place where someone proceeds to spend the rest of the movie running around frantically serving them tea and crumpets. It seems like something which, apart from […]

“Holly shit! Dad has rabies!”

“Holly shit! Dad has rabies!”

This, i feel, would have been a far better title for The Barrens than…er…The Barrens. Set in New Jersey’s Pine Barrens but shot in Canada somewhere, this movie deals, in part anyway, with our old friend the Jersey Devil. Richard, a dude portrayed by Stephen Moyer, an English actor best-known for playing the world’s fastest-aging […]

Arnie Gets The Zombie Girl Blues

Arnie Gets The Zombie Girl Blues

Since my local DVD shop went out of business I haven’t bothered much with new movies, but the other day I was walking along when I saw, peeking at me from the front of one of those DVD rental ATM thingies that cause your local DVD shop to go out of business, this thing… Given […]

In Praise of Stepin Fetchit

In Praise of Stepin Fetchit

No, of course not. What am I, an idiot? We have all seen snippets of the Great Black Idiot being a dumbass, and as a result I suspect that most people think that was all he boiled down to – a dumbass n***er held up as an example of his race’s supposed inferiority. As offensive […]

Matango – Demon Fungus From Hell!

Matango – Demon Fungus From Hell!

SPOILERS AHEAD In this slab of 1960s weirdness, a bunch of badly dubbed Japanese tourists find themselves in some seriously psychedelic trouble after a storm damages their yacht and the current pulls it towards a mysterious island, an island that hides a dreadful, dreadful secret… Since there’s no point to staying on a yacht that’s […]

Messiah of Evil

Messiah of Evil

“Messiah Of Evil” is one of those unique and marvelous pieces of 70s obscura that few have even heard of, much less seen. Kinda like the word “obscura,” strangely enough. Messiah is also a surprisingly neglected film, given that its creators went on to all sorts of big stuff including American Graffiti, an Indiana Jones […]

“Not Hercules” Is Kind Of Okay.

“Not Hercules” Is Kind Of Okay.

When I decided to watch the new Dwayne Johnson movie “Hercules” my main question was “Will a black Hercules work?” As it turns out, as far as authenticity goes, the lead character’s race is the least of this movie’s problems. Race-wise, Johnson pulls it off. He certainly has the height and musculature to play the […]