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“Not Hercules” Is Kind Of Okay.

“Not Hercules” Is Kind Of Okay.

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When I decided to watch the new Dwayne Johnson movie “Hercules” my main question was “Will a black Hercules work?” As it turns out, as far as authenticity goes, the lead character’s race is the least of this movie’s problems. Race-wise, Johnson pulls it off. He certainly has the height and musculature to play the […]

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The Shining Sucks!

The Shining Sucks!

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Well, that was a disappointing two hours. I hadn’t seen this thing since the 80s and couldn’t remember whether it was any good or not, so when I bumped into a widescreen version last week I grabbed it. Turns out this is one of the most woefully overrated horror movies in the history of the […]

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Hunted to Extinction

Hunted to Extinction

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Two years after it was first aired I finally got round to watching this thing, and it turns out that it’s actually quite good. Long story short, a girly spy called Sam Hunter (I kid you not) working for a private security company finds out that someone is trying to assassinate her. Is it an […]

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Run! It’s a Fiend Without A Face!

Run! It’s a Fiend Without A Face!

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“Fiend Without a Face” is a 1958 sci-fi movie made in the UK, set in Canada and starring a bunch of Americans who had been stranded in Old Blighty for some reason or other – probably because their careers hadn’t gone too well and they couldn’t afford the air fare home. For a low budget […]

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Streets of Dire

Streets of Dire

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Streets? More like a whole city of dire! Recently I’ve been listening to a lot of Jim Steinman, all as part of my attempt to put together a musical equivalent of the Pigman Cometh cartoons, and this led me to the Steinman song “Nowhere Fast,” which in turn led me to “Streets of Fire,” the […]

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Is This Woman The Ultimate Gold Digger?

Is This Woman The Ultimate Gold Digger?

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Yes, without a question. I mean, other women have married old men who are half dead for their money, but this one married one that was all dead. Stiff as a board, dead as a duck, yet, thanks to some highly skillful embalming, still remarkably fresh! This is just the start of the grim and […]

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Swine Out Of Hell

Swine Out Of Hell

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Or is it Pig Out Of Hell? I don’t know, haven’t made up my mind. Swine is a bit harsh but more forceful, pig is softer but not as impactful nor as phonetically pleasing as swine. I’ve been working on this piece on and off for at least one year, the earliest copy of the […]

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Attack of the Fifty Foot Nothing

Attack of the Fifty Foot Nothing

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“Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman” is total and utter tripe. And I wasn’t expecting much, just a few scenes in which the titular gal stomps on some really dodgy-looking miniature buildings, but we don’t get even that! In fact, we don’t even see the giantess of the title until the last 10 minutes of […]

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Attack of the Giant Leeches!

Attack of the Giant Leeches!

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For some strange reason ( probably wanting to shut my brain down for a while, thereby preventing the kind of cerebral event that would make a real mess of my study walls) I recently took it upon myself to watch some really, really low budget movies from the fifties and sixties. This decision turned out […]

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Beware The Wasp Woman!

Beware The Wasp Woman!

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Two word review : utter crap. This Roger Corman helmed tale of a woman who uses a wasp-based serum to rejuvenate herself – no prizes for guessing what the serum’s primary side effect is – is a movie with no redeeming features at all. From the very start you know you’re in trouble – there […]

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